Avoiding the Dreaded "and then..." Story

If you've ever sat down to a stack of "And then..." stories, this post is for you. Like many other Language Arts teachers, I taught my story unit, focused on teaching kids to identify key story elements and techniques. Despite their strengths in understanding and analyzing the structure and elements of an engaging story, their own writing was tedious, filled with sentence after sentence of "and then this happened...".

Once I addressed this one issue, their writing improved significantly. Below is the handout I gave my grade 7's. One class of practice, and their creative writing improved significantly.

Avoiding "Suddenly" & "and then..." Stories

Common mistakes I see from writers when they’re developing their craft is the reliance on “Suddenly”, or, “and then…”

These are cliche, boring, and quickly become repetitive. Instead, add a little more description to put your reader in the moment. They’ll know it’s “suddenly” if you describe the scene with intensity.

Examples:

Suddenly, Mr. Connors burst through door to tell them to hide under their desks

Try something like this instead:

With a tremendous thud, Mr. Connors burst through the door, barely catching his breath as he shouted “Everyone under your desks, now!”

Same thing applies to “and then…” It’s boring, and shows a lack of imagination. Put your reader in the moment by describing what’s happening.

Examples:

The recess bell rang so we closed our computers, and then we put on our coats to head outside. The hill was icy, we fell down, and then Kevin started a pushing fight, and then Daniel threw a snowball that missed Kevin and hit Kailey in the face.

Try something like this instead:

The recess bell rang so we closed our computers and shuffled to the busy hallway as we bumped into each other, scrambling to put our coats and boots on. The air was cold, and there was a light snow covering the already icy hill. We quickly learned it was extremely slippery as the screams of students losing their footing and sliding down the hill began to echo off the school walls. As I picked myself up, brushing off the snow, I saw Kevin pushing people down the hill. Daniel responded by hurling a snowball straight at Kevin, but at the last second Kevin ducked and the ice ball hit Kailey right in the face.

Writing Prompts for Practice

Try giving your students funny or interesting pictures you find online as a writing prompt to get started. Emphasize the point is to NOT write an "and then" story. A good idea could be to do it as a snowball writing activity, where students write for a given period of time (5 minutes), then switch their stories for the next student to continue. Teach them to focus on providing detail and moving the story along without quickly jumping from one thing to the next.

Differentiate It

A way you could save time for yourself and students is to do a writing prompt like the one suggested above, but do it through a google forum. You could then quickly assess who has the skills to write a story without resorting to "suddenly", or "and then". You could then do a small workshop with only the students that need the additional practice.